LAST BABY BLUES

LAST BABY BLUES - HE'S TURNING TWO

Okay, so he's not turning two for another 6 months but trust me when I say it will come too soon. I. Am. A. Mess.

"When are we going to have another baby?"  

My kids often ask me when we're going to have another baby and the younger ones have already placed their orders for another baby brother or a baby sister.  Honestly, in our family of eight, we don't know what life is like without a baby around to keep us all on our toes.  

It is going to be weird not having a baby around and we will all miss it immensely.  Especially, me.

Where did the first year go?! It seems like just yesterday that I was waddling around in my favorite Target maxi dresses (they're sooooo stretchy!), talking to Little Bean in my belly. We'd take long, slow waddles down the baby aisles together, laughing at every graphic onesie, petting every stuffy, and stocking up on diapers, and binkies (you know, the ones with adorable stuffies attached to them. I love those!). Then plopping the fun purchases into the shiny new plastic baby tub I bought for his first year of bath time pics.

I groaned at all the bundles of tiny baby socks displayed, knowing that one of each pair will instantly disappear, forever, within minutes of leaving the store in my sealed shopping bag. Can I get a witness?! Why can't they sell a bundle of 6 pairs of the SAME SOCK... - it would save the sanity of exhausted new mothers everywhere. There is a special place in hades for the designers of baby socks who greenlight sock sets in multiple colors and patterns. Sorry, off topic...

So, back to my severe case of #lastbabyblues.

​I am fast approaching my 46th birthday - I think it’s safe to say that Baby#6 is our last baby chick. Now, I know that most people would say that my scotsman and I have had a good run, baby-makin', and it's time to retire the ol' uterus.  Confession Time: I thought my baby making days had ended after Baby #5 so when that pregnancy test confirmed Baby #6's imminent arrival, I was stunned beyond words.

​Honestly, it's going to be rough for me when J-Dragon says bye-bye to diapers and binkies and takes off running, full-steam ahead, into life as a big-kid preschooler.  Slapping on that final diaper on his sweet little bottom, retiring my diaper bag(s), donating his crib, and packing up his baby clothes will be extra hard because I have been mothering babies for the past 16 years and to say that I will miss it is a gross understatement.  

Don't get me wrong, I joyfully celebrate milestones as they come. I don't want to hold him back (maybe a little bit...), but I guess what I'm trying to say is that the sixth time around, I have finally learned to enjoy the everyday journey, instead of just checking off the milestones and looking to what's next on the list.

What can I say, I'm a slow learner...

When he was just months old, his siblings and I would prop him up on the couch and try to guess which way he'd topple (left or right) - best out of three would be the winner.  I fully enjoyed his adorable crawling phase instead of wondering why he wasn't walking yet.  And I am enjoying his baby-speak, immensely, instead of keeping track of how many words he's mastered. I am singing through his diaper changings instead of brushing up on potty training protocols. And I'll often drop whatever I'm doing and laze unhurriedly on my well-worn couch with my sweet baby cuddled on my lap, finally understanding that the laundry and dishes really can wait.

I get it. I finally get it, but what took me so long?!  I am the first to admit that I have had a respectable number of babies (never too many, though) and yet here I am, sitting at my kitchen table, writing this post, while my still-a-baby, baby, naps upstairs, and I'm wishing I had more time with all of my kids to relish their baby years one more time and to hold them in my memory just as clear as today.

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My oldest baby chick is now taller than me and she'll be taking driver's ed this summer.  Next in line is getting braces and possibly an iPhone (his fingers crossed...).  The years are indeed flying by at light speed and I am trying my best to keep up and enjoy the ride, grateful to still be a part of my children's daily lives.

My last baby's arrival was an unexpected gift and not a single day goes by that I take his whimsical presence for granted.  When his second birthday rolls around, I will be the first to cheerily sing him his birthday song, both in English and Korean, as per our family tradition.  And after I have a good cry off in a corner of my house somewhere, suffering from a case of last baby blues, I will hug my baby boy and congratulate him on being "two cakes old".