LAST BABY BLUES
LAST BABY BLUES - HE'S TURNING TWO
Okay, so he's not turning two for another 6 months but trust me when I say it will come too soon. I. Am. A. Mess.
"When are we going to have another baby?"
My kids often ask me when we're going to have another baby and the younger ones have already placed their orders for another baby brother or a baby sister. Honestly, in our family of eight, we don't know what life is like without a baby around to keep us all on our toes.
It is going to be weird not having a baby around and we will all miss it immensely. Especially, me.
Where did the first year go?! It seems like just yesterday that I was waddling around in my favorite Target maxi dresses (they're sooooo stretchy!), talking to Little Bean in my belly. We'd take long, slow waddles down the baby aisles together, laughing at every graphic onesie, petting every stuffy, and stocking up on diapers, and binkies (you know, the ones with adorable stuffies attached to them. I love those!). Then plopping the fun purchases into the shiny new plastic baby tub I bought for his first year of bath time pics.
"When are we going to have another baby?"
My kids often ask me when we're going to have another baby and the younger ones have already placed their orders for another baby brother or a baby sister. Honestly, in our family of eight, we don't know what life is like without a baby around to keep us all on our toes.
It is going to be weird not having a baby around and we will all miss it immensely. Especially, me.
Where did the first year go?! It seems like just yesterday that I was waddling around in my favorite Target maxi dresses (they're sooooo stretchy!), talking to Little Bean in my belly. We'd take long, slow waddles down the baby aisles together, laughing at every graphic onesie, petting every stuffy, and stocking up on diapers, and binkies (you know, the ones with adorable stuffies attached to them. I love those!). Then plopping the fun purchases into the shiny new plastic baby tub I bought for his first year of bath time pics.
I groaned at all the bundles of tiny baby socks displayed, knowing that one of each pair will instantly disappear, forever, within minutes of leaving the store in my sealed shopping bag. Can I get a witness?! Why can't they sell a bundle of 6 pairs of the SAME SOCK... - it would save the sanity of exhausted new mothers everywhere. There is a special place in hades for the designers of baby socks who greenlight sock sets in multiple colors and patterns. Sorry, off topic...
So, back to my severe case of #lastbabyblues.
I am fast approaching my 46th birthday - I think it’s safe to say that Baby#6 is our last baby chick. Now, I know that most people would say that my scotsman and I have had a good run, baby-makin', and it's time to retire the ol' uterus. Confession Time: I thought my baby making days had ended after Baby #5 so when that pregnancy test confirmed Baby #6's imminent arrival, I was stunned beyond words.
So, back to my severe case of #lastbabyblues.
I am fast approaching my 46th birthday - I think it’s safe to say that Baby#6 is our last baby chick. Now, I know that most people would say that my scotsman and I have had a good run, baby-makin', and it's time to retire the ol' uterus. Confession Time: I thought my baby making days had ended after Baby #5 so when that pregnancy test confirmed Baby #6's imminent arrival, I was stunned beyond words.
Honestly, it's going to be rough for me when J-Dragon says bye-bye to diapers and binkies and takes off running, full-steam ahead, into life as a big-kid preschooler. Slapping on that final diaper on his sweet little bottom, retiring my diaper bag(s), donating his crib, and packing up his baby clothes will be extra hard because I have been mothering babies for the past 16 years and to say that I will miss it is a gross understatement.
Don't get me wrong, I joyfully celebrate milestones as they come. I don't want to hold him back (maybe a little bit...), but I guess what I'm trying to say is that the sixth time around, I have finally learned to enjoy the everyday journey, instead of just checking off the milestones and looking to what's next on the list.
What can I say, I'm a slow learner...
What can I say, I'm a slow learner...
When he was just months old, his siblings and I would prop him up on the couch and try to guess which way he'd topple (left or right) - best out of three would be the winner. I fully enjoyed his adorable crawling phase instead of wondering why he wasn't walking yet. And I am enjoying his baby-speak, immensely, instead of keeping track of how many words he's mastered. I am singing through his diaper changings instead of brushing up on potty training protocols. And I'll often drop whatever I'm doing and laze unhurriedly on my well-worn couch with my sweet baby cuddled on my lap, finally understanding that the laundry and dishes really can wait.
I get it. I finally get it, but what took me so long?! I am the first to admit that I have had a respectable number of babies (never too many, though) and yet here I am, sitting at my kitchen table, writing this post, while my still-a-baby, baby, naps upstairs, and I'm wishing I had more time with all of my kids to relish their baby years one more time and to hold them in my memory just as clear as today.
I get it. I finally get it, but what took me so long?! I am the first to admit that I have had a respectable number of babies (never too many, though) and yet here I am, sitting at my kitchen table, writing this post, while my still-a-baby, baby, naps upstairs, and I'm wishing I had more time with all of my kids to relish their baby years one more time and to hold them in my memory just as clear as today.
My oldest baby chick is now taller than me and she'll be taking driver's ed this summer. Next in line is getting braces and possibly an iPhone (his fingers crossed...). The years are indeed flying by at light speed and I am trying my best to keep up and enjoy the ride, grateful to still be a part of my children's daily lives.
My last baby's arrival was an unexpected gift and not a single day goes by that I take his whimsical presence for granted. When his second birthday rolls around, I will be the first to cheerily sing him his birthday song, both in English and Korean, as per our family tradition. And after I have a good cry off in a corner of my house somewhere, suffering from a case of last baby blues, I will hug my baby boy and congratulate him on being "two cakes old".
My last baby's arrival was an unexpected gift and not a single day goes by that I take his whimsical presence for granted. When his second birthday rolls around, I will be the first to cheerily sing him his birthday song, both in English and Korean, as per our family tradition. And after I have a good cry off in a corner of my house somewhere, suffering from a case of last baby blues, I will hug my baby boy and congratulate him on being "two cakes old".
PLEASE STOP TELLING ME TO ENJOY MY KIDS
PLEASE STOP TELLING ME TO ENJOY MY KIDS
On the days when I am a walking zombie, operating on countless cups of coffee and running on fumes, trying to make it to wherever (everywhere) and whenever (bedtimes, always), I daydream about the future. I dream about a day when all the kids are older - where no one needs help wiping their bottom, finding a shoe, sock, clean pants, permission slip, hairbrush, favorite stuffy, money, their lucky rock, homework, folder or anything else, as we're running late; where I'm not on my hands and knees, bone-tired, scrubbing vomit out of the carpet, for a second time, at 3:00 am and then comforting a little sick one until 4:00 am or where I'm not facing down 60 extra pounds, postpartum.
I think to myself, while driving (because as homeschoolers, we're not home a whole lot), "won't it be nice to have pretty things around the house that won't get broken, freshly painted walls that stay clean, and fancy furniture free of stains, chips and dents? Won't it be nice to go on a leisurely romantic date or wear dry clean only dresses again? And how about some peace and quiet to form engaging thoughts beyond mac & cheese, homemade playdoh, and laundry?" I've forgotten what it's like to spend unhurried time alone, free of mom guilt.
And then I cry (like I am right now), because the immaculate house that I sometimes long for and the peace and quiet that I never get to enjoy and the non-existent unhurried time for personal pursuits are all coming and when that day comes, I will wish for all the glorious chaos and little people madness to return back into to my life so that I may get a second chance to do it right - yell a little less, hug a little more, and play often with my kids, instead of folding more dang laundry or whatever else I foolishly thought took priority over playing dress-up with my children.
I realize that this beautiful life is God-ordained and that what I have with my big young family is unabashedly wonderful, blessed, magical, joyful, amazing, hilarious, and hands down the best part of living.
But you know what?
It is insanely loud at my house most of the time, and sometimes chaotic, physically exhausting, mentally draining, unspeakably messy, shatteringly hard, and at times, daunting and discouraging as I wonder if I'm messing them all up or doing a good job. Honestly, sometimes it's hard to tell.
The pressures to meet the impossible perfectionstic standards of motherhood are so high in 2018 that it is hard to be a mother and wife without having deep regrets no matter which way you go and no matter how fantastic a job you are doing.
So, yes - although I love my family and appreciate my husband and adore my 6 kids, some days I do not enjoy motherhood. There, I said it. That isn't to say that I don't enjoy being a mother or that I regret having kids. Of course not.
It's just that motherhood isn't all unicorns and rainbows, homebaked cupcakes, pretty bedtime lullabies, and Ikea-organized kids' rooms with wall-to-wall Pottery Barn decor. That, my friends, is social-media motherhood, not real motherhood.
There are many things that I enjoy about motherhood that are actually enjoyable, like: a day at the park with my kids and our friends; baking a simple recipe with my little ones who always love to put food coloring in absolutely everything; reading a favorite bedtime story for the 100th time and making it sound just as fun as the very first time; throwing a birthday party for one of my six(!) amazing children who are indeed growing up too fast; watching the Super Bowl Halftime show together over bad food and loud jokes; slipping in quietly to watch my kids sleep and tuck them in gently while they sleep; watching their viral Fortnite dance that they’ve mastered, and watching them walk down an aisle to proudly accept a certificate or give a performance. These are just a few of the countless things that I enjoy with my kids and about my kids. With six unique, smart, talented, funny and wildly spontaneous kids, the list of things to enjoy about them is endless.
However, more often than not, motherhood also includes a mountain of dirty laundry, scratches on the expensive new furniture and stains on the curtains. Motherhood on any given day, can mean managing the blood curdling scream of your child's tantrum (in public) or, my favorite - incessant whining, sibling fighting and a messy house full of broken things. I don't enjoy this side of motherhood. I'll say it again, I don't enjoy some parts of motherhood and I don't think I ever will. Honestly, who 'enjoys' a child's tantrum or the smell of vomit or a sink full of dirty dishes or sitting in a doctor's waiting room for hours with a sick infant, toddler, or preK child who is ready to climb the walls?
By day's end, sometimes I am the one ready to climb the walls. I don't enjoy that. And that's ok.
So when a sweet older woman or grandfatherly gentleman looks fondly at my family and smiles at me and says, "Enjoy your family. They grow up so fast..." I feel thankful for their collective wisdom but I also feel a little angry and a whole lot guilty. Why? Because the moment they tell me to enjoy my family, my mind goes to all those moments that I don't enjoy and I feel 100 times guiltier. Guilty for not seeing the joy and blessing in middle-of-the-night vomit fests and guilty for missing the"enjoyment" of doing 16 loads of laundry at the laundromat (every Saturday while I save up for a new washer) and guilty for badly wishing my crying sick baby would sleep in his crib, like right now(!) because I am dead on my feet from rocking him and my alarm is about to go off in 45 minutes. Some things are not "fun", "enjoyable", or "happiness"-invoking. Some things in motherhood are just "hard" and "unenjoyable".
So, here is my homeschooling mom's confession of the day: I don't enjoy every aspect of motherhood.
But please, don't tell me to enjoy my kids, because I already do.
I think to myself, while driving (because as homeschoolers, we're not home a whole lot), "won't it be nice to have pretty things around the house that won't get broken, freshly painted walls that stay clean, and fancy furniture free of stains, chips and dents? Won't it be nice to go on a leisurely romantic date or wear dry clean only dresses again? And how about some peace and quiet to form engaging thoughts beyond mac & cheese, homemade playdoh, and laundry?" I've forgotten what it's like to spend unhurried time alone, free of mom guilt.
And then I cry (like I am right now), because the immaculate house that I sometimes long for and the peace and quiet that I never get to enjoy and the non-existent unhurried time for personal pursuits are all coming and when that day comes, I will wish for all the glorious chaos and little people madness to return back into to my life so that I may get a second chance to do it right - yell a little less, hug a little more, and play often with my kids, instead of folding more dang laundry or whatever else I foolishly thought took priority over playing dress-up with my children.
I realize that this beautiful life is God-ordained and that what I have with my big young family is unabashedly wonderful, blessed, magical, joyful, amazing, hilarious, and hands down the best part of living.
But you know what?
It is insanely loud at my house most of the time, and sometimes chaotic, physically exhausting, mentally draining, unspeakably messy, shatteringly hard, and at times, daunting and discouraging as I wonder if I'm messing them all up or doing a good job. Honestly, sometimes it's hard to tell.
The pressures to meet the impossible perfectionstic standards of motherhood are so high in 2018 that it is hard to be a mother and wife without having deep regrets no matter which way you go and no matter how fantastic a job you are doing.
So, yes - although I love my family and appreciate my husband and adore my 6 kids, some days I do not enjoy motherhood. There, I said it. That isn't to say that I don't enjoy being a mother or that I regret having kids. Of course not.
It's just that motherhood isn't all unicorns and rainbows, homebaked cupcakes, pretty bedtime lullabies, and Ikea-organized kids' rooms with wall-to-wall Pottery Barn decor. That, my friends, is social-media motherhood, not real motherhood.
There are many things that I enjoy about motherhood that are actually enjoyable, like: a day at the park with my kids and our friends; baking a simple recipe with my little ones who always love to put food coloring in absolutely everything; reading a favorite bedtime story for the 100th time and making it sound just as fun as the very first time; throwing a birthday party for one of my six(!) amazing children who are indeed growing up too fast; watching the Super Bowl Halftime show together over bad food and loud jokes; slipping in quietly to watch my kids sleep and tuck them in gently while they sleep; watching their viral Fortnite dance that they’ve mastered, and watching them walk down an aisle to proudly accept a certificate or give a performance. These are just a few of the countless things that I enjoy with my kids and about my kids. With six unique, smart, talented, funny and wildly spontaneous kids, the list of things to enjoy about them is endless.
However, more often than not, motherhood also includes a mountain of dirty laundry, scratches on the expensive new furniture and stains on the curtains. Motherhood on any given day, can mean managing the blood curdling scream of your child's tantrum (in public) or, my favorite - incessant whining, sibling fighting and a messy house full of broken things. I don't enjoy this side of motherhood. I'll say it again, I don't enjoy some parts of motherhood and I don't think I ever will. Honestly, who 'enjoys' a child's tantrum or the smell of vomit or a sink full of dirty dishes or sitting in a doctor's waiting room for hours with a sick infant, toddler, or preK child who is ready to climb the walls?
By day's end, sometimes I am the one ready to climb the walls. I don't enjoy that. And that's ok.
So when a sweet older woman or grandfatherly gentleman looks fondly at my family and smiles at me and says, "Enjoy your family. They grow up so fast..." I feel thankful for their collective wisdom but I also feel a little angry and a whole lot guilty. Why? Because the moment they tell me to enjoy my family, my mind goes to all those moments that I don't enjoy and I feel 100 times guiltier. Guilty for not seeing the joy and blessing in middle-of-the-night vomit fests and guilty for missing the"enjoyment" of doing 16 loads of laundry at the laundromat (every Saturday while I save up for a new washer) and guilty for badly wishing my crying sick baby would sleep in his crib, like right now(!) because I am dead on my feet from rocking him and my alarm is about to go off in 45 minutes. Some things are not "fun", "enjoyable", or "happiness"-invoking. Some things in motherhood are just "hard" and "unenjoyable".
So, here is my homeschooling mom's confession of the day: I don't enjoy every aspect of motherhood.
But please, don't tell me to enjoy my kids, because I already do.
10 parenting facts THAT MAKE YOU GO, HMMM...
10 parenting facts THAT MAKE YOU GO, HMMM...
1. I crave time for myself but feel guilty when I get it.
2. If newborns sleep up to 16 hours a day, why am I so tired?
3. I am home all day and don't have a job but somedays I can't negotiate a five minute shower.
4. I clean and tidy constantly but my house still looks like main street after the Super Bowl parade.
5. I am bigger, better educated, and make more money. Baby can't feed or change himself, let alone hold down a job, but he is clearly The Boss.
6. Baby barely weighed 8 pounds at birth so how did I gain 60?...
7. My mom as a parent: stern, cheap, and all about consequences. This same woman as a grandma: a big wet noodle with infinite cash to burn on her grandkids.
8. When vacationing, all of my belongings fit in a backpack. Baby's? I have to hitch a trailer to drag B's everything anywhere (car seat, stroller, playpen, diapers, breastpump, accessories, toys, books, stuffy, blanket, ointments, wipes, snacks, sunglasses, his beloved oversized plastic Sesame Street car keys, and an extra set of everything...)
9. Why do my toddler's tiny shoes cost as much as much as my much bigger shoes?
10. Babies are simple. Parenthood is not.
*I think I'll take that shower now...
2. If newborns sleep up to 16 hours a day, why am I so tired?
3. I am home all day and don't have a job but somedays I can't negotiate a five minute shower.
4. I clean and tidy constantly but my house still looks like main street after the Super Bowl parade.
5. I am bigger, better educated, and make more money. Baby can't feed or change himself, let alone hold down a job, but he is clearly The Boss.
6. Baby barely weighed 8 pounds at birth so how did I gain 60?...
7. My mom as a parent: stern, cheap, and all about consequences. This same woman as a grandma: a big wet noodle with infinite cash to burn on her grandkids.
8. When vacationing, all of my belongings fit in a backpack. Baby's? I have to hitch a trailer to drag B's everything anywhere (car seat, stroller, playpen, diapers, breastpump, accessories, toys, books, stuffy, blanket, ointments, wipes, snacks, sunglasses, his beloved oversized plastic Sesame Street car keys, and an extra set of everything...)
9. Why do my toddler's tiny shoes cost as much as much as my much bigger shoes?
10. Babies are simple. Parenthood is not.
*I think I'll take that shower now...
7 UGLY TRUTHS ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING THAT HOMESCHOOLING MOMS NEVER TALK ABOUT
7 UGLY TRUTHS ABOUT HOMESCHOOLING THAT HOMESCHOOLING MOMS NEVER TALK ABOUT
The first time I heard about homeschooling, I was spouseless, childless, and clueless about everything that I am now presumed to be an expert on. Fast forward the entire Matrix trilogy, 2 installments of Guardians of the Galaxy, all of the Harry Potter films, and this is where I now find myself - “A family of 8 and homeschooling?! You are amazing and your kids are great.” Other moms often confide in me that they don't think they could do it. The brave ones ask for advice on how to get started and the curious ones ask what my typical day looks like. The one thing they all have in common is the false idea that I am a perfect wife, mother, and teacher and that my children are excellent in just about every way (grades, talents, behavior, manners, etc.) The truth is, I am an excellent wife, teacher, and mother SOMETIMES. We all have our great days. Other times, my epic parenting fails, wifely misses, and teaching stumbles are embarrassing and I chalk them up as growth and learning opportunities (I’ll share them with you at a later date).
My kids are not perfect. Their mom is not perfect. My schedule is not even close to being perfect. And yet, as a homeschooling mom, I feel that if I open my mouth and confess that it’s crazy hard sometimes and I don’t know if I’m doing it right, I will let people down. Did I just let you down by saying that?
So here I am, dropping the veil on myself and my fellow homeschool hotties, on the quiet realities we homeschool moms often suffer alone. The list was supposed to be longer but my schedule’s kinda wonky as my kids recover from the flu so here goes...
My kids are not perfect. Their mom is not perfect. My schedule is not even close to being perfect. And yet, as a homeschooling mom, I feel that if I open my mouth and confess that it’s crazy hard sometimes and I don’t know if I’m doing it right, I will let people down. Did I just let you down by saying that?
So here I am, dropping the veil on myself and my fellow homeschool hotties, on the quiet realities we homeschool moms often suffer alone. The list was supposed to be longer but my schedule’s kinda wonky as my kids recover from the flu so here goes...
1. You secretly regret your decision to homeschool. Year one of homeschooling is the honeymoon phase and you feel like you’re changing the world, one precious heart at a time. You are totally in love with spending time with your child/children and enjoying the freedoms and independence of being your own ‘school’, choosing curriculum, projects, co-ops, activities, etc. - the world is your oyster. Everything is new, beautiful and exciting and the sky is the limit! Then year 3 hits and you have to make greater efforts to stave off stale routines and repeat visits to local spots lose their appeal. Maybe you have a new little one or two and they haven’t gotten the memo to respect the delicate science experiments and to not pull all the alphabetized books off the shelves during power reading hour. You don’t remember the last time you had a minute to yourself and self-care is a forgotten concept to you. You feel like you’ve lost your homeschool mojo and in your weaker moments, the grass starts looking greener at your local public school playground. I have had hard days and been overwhelmed and in those moments, I doubted myself and my choices. But by the end of each day, I remember why I do what I do and that the advantages and benefits far outweigh the most challenging times.
2. You are alienated from family members or friends. Beware. Extended family members and friends who have little to no experience with homeschooling can sometimes be the biggest opponents throughout your homeschooling journey. They warn against it because they fear your kids will never make friends or they’ll turn out weird. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know my views on both of those issues. Homeschool kids can indeed enjoy close friendships, just as some public school kids can be surrounded by thousands of other children and yet feel totally and utterly alone.
3. Homeschooling is hurting your marriage. Homeschooling and managing a household is a huge undertaking and the un-ending responsibilities can easily hurt your connection with your spouse, if you let it. The to-do lists grow ever longer and the ever-increasing new opportunities out there for homeschoolers: enrichment activities, college courses, co-ops, field trips, etc. can keep you and the kids so busy that you can actually schedule yourselves out of the home and away from your spouse every single day of the week, including weekends. Making clear boundaries, syncing calendars, and prioritizing each other can go a long way in keeping the marriage happy and romantic rather than a chore gathering dust at the bottom of your to-do list.
4. You find homeschooling personally unsatisfying. I have intensely busy days, every day. But sometimes they are unfulfilling and I miss the glamour and excitement of working an exec job, on Madison Avenue, wearing expensive dry clean clothes, and interacting with smart New York clients. My awesome kids range in age from 18 months to 15 years old. In a day, I may cover making lap-folders, finger painting, skip-counting, phonics, math drills, flashcards, on-line science, U.S. history, physics, Japanese, nursery rhymes, literature, and grammar. Then the homemaker in me is texting the husband, shopping, doing dishes, preparing meals, cleaning, folding laundry, making appointments, fixing something, and checking up on my own mom to see how she’s doing. Then later in the evening, the mommy nurse in me is making the nearly empty Neosporin tube cry uncle as I squeeze out the dregs (in my attempt to avoid a Target run at 10 PM) to cover another boo-boo, running baths, reading stories, breaking up fights, soothing hurts, designating chores, etc. Raising a family and homeschooling are not glamorous but the time spent with the kids in those early years is priceless and the personal passions that they discover and the strides that they make towards EVERYTHING is a wonder to see and a privelege to be a part of.
5. You feel like you’re losing yourself. When I threw myself into homeschooling, I found myself giving up all of my hobbies, not pursuing other personal goals, barely seeing my girlfriends, and even neglecting to take care of myself. It was all about the kids and homeschooling for a long time. I was exhausted, depressed and angry with myself and I wasn’t sure why. It was because I had lost myself in my quest to homeschool. I mistakenly thought I had to stop being 'me' and start being a 'proper' homeschooling mom. But I discovered that just being myself and homeschooling along the way is the best way to build a good life for myself and for my family. Don’t try to be the enviably perfect homeschool mom. Be the only awesome you and make homeschooling one of the fantastic things you do, not the only thing you do. It’s a much healthier and happier approach.
6. Okay, this is what’s up - I know this post is titled 7 Ugly Truths but I could only come up with 5 because honestly, homeschooling is a pretty sweet gig and we homeschool mamas aren’t all that dark!
7. What’s one ugly truth about homeschooling that I missed? Fill in here: __________________________________
P.S. In case you’re wondering how a homeschool mom of 6 finds the time to blog - Right now, I am sitting at my messy kitchen table, feverishly typing out this post. My kids are loudly playing a game of dodgeball (yes, you read that correctly, "dodgeball") with the baby gleefully refereeing. And of course, this is all happening in my living room...
2. You are alienated from family members or friends. Beware. Extended family members and friends who have little to no experience with homeschooling can sometimes be the biggest opponents throughout your homeschooling journey. They warn against it because they fear your kids will never make friends or they’ll turn out weird. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know my views on both of those issues. Homeschool kids can indeed enjoy close friendships, just as some public school kids can be surrounded by thousands of other children and yet feel totally and utterly alone.
3. Homeschooling is hurting your marriage. Homeschooling and managing a household is a huge undertaking and the un-ending responsibilities can easily hurt your connection with your spouse, if you let it. The to-do lists grow ever longer and the ever-increasing new opportunities out there for homeschoolers: enrichment activities, college courses, co-ops, field trips, etc. can keep you and the kids so busy that you can actually schedule yourselves out of the home and away from your spouse every single day of the week, including weekends. Making clear boundaries, syncing calendars, and prioritizing each other can go a long way in keeping the marriage happy and romantic rather than a chore gathering dust at the bottom of your to-do list.
4. You find homeschooling personally unsatisfying. I have intensely busy days, every day. But sometimes they are unfulfilling and I miss the glamour and excitement of working an exec job, on Madison Avenue, wearing expensive dry clean clothes, and interacting with smart New York clients. My awesome kids range in age from 18 months to 15 years old. In a day, I may cover making lap-folders, finger painting, skip-counting, phonics, math drills, flashcards, on-line science, U.S. history, physics, Japanese, nursery rhymes, literature, and grammar. Then the homemaker in me is texting the husband, shopping, doing dishes, preparing meals, cleaning, folding laundry, making appointments, fixing something, and checking up on my own mom to see how she’s doing. Then later in the evening, the mommy nurse in me is making the nearly empty Neosporin tube cry uncle as I squeeze out the dregs (in my attempt to avoid a Target run at 10 PM) to cover another boo-boo, running baths, reading stories, breaking up fights, soothing hurts, designating chores, etc. Raising a family and homeschooling are not glamorous but the time spent with the kids in those early years is priceless and the personal passions that they discover and the strides that they make towards EVERYTHING is a wonder to see and a privelege to be a part of.
5. You feel like you’re losing yourself. When I threw myself into homeschooling, I found myself giving up all of my hobbies, not pursuing other personal goals, barely seeing my girlfriends, and even neglecting to take care of myself. It was all about the kids and homeschooling for a long time. I was exhausted, depressed and angry with myself and I wasn’t sure why. It was because I had lost myself in my quest to homeschool. I mistakenly thought I had to stop being 'me' and start being a 'proper' homeschooling mom. But I discovered that just being myself and homeschooling along the way is the best way to build a good life for myself and for my family. Don’t try to be the enviably perfect homeschool mom. Be the only awesome you and make homeschooling one of the fantastic things you do, not the only thing you do. It’s a much healthier and happier approach.
6. Okay, this is what’s up - I know this post is titled 7 Ugly Truths but I could only come up with 5 because honestly, homeschooling is a pretty sweet gig and we homeschool mamas aren’t all that dark!
7. What’s one ugly truth about homeschooling that I missed? Fill in here: __________________________________
P.S. In case you’re wondering how a homeschool mom of 6 finds the time to blog - Right now, I am sitting at my messy kitchen table, feverishly typing out this post. My kids are loudly playing a game of dodgeball (yes, you read that correctly, "dodgeball") with the baby gleefully refereeing. And of course, this is all happening in my living room...
Why It's Important Not To Smile
I wasn't going to post this photo. So many details about this pic bother me. The detail that bothered me the most is that I. am. not. smiling.
I always envied people who didn't smile when they didn't feel like it. I wanted that ease and that level of self-acceptance. I didn't have that and so I smiled. I smiled first, last, and often in-between. If you're smiling, people don't ask, "what's wrong?" If you're smiling and joking around, people think everything is okay and I guess I wanted everything to be okay because I didn't know how to handle when things weren't okay, and so I smiled.
I still smile a lot. If there was a daily quota for smiles, I'm pretty sure I would nail it every single day. And with 6 amazing and often hilarious kids, I have a lot to smile about. But you know what? Not smiling is okay, too. It's okay to have those feelings and emotions that have no room for a smile. It's taken me a long time to accept this for myself. I want my children to know that it's okay to have feelings and emotions that are not smile-worthy. Those life experiences are just as real and important as the happy ones so don't hide them and don't apologize for them - if you address them and work throught them, a genuine smile may be waiting for you.
It's okay not to smile. Some of you may be thinking that's a no-brainer but for me it's personal growth.
As always, I'm glad you dropped by. You are awesome!
I always envied people who didn't smile when they didn't feel like it. I wanted that ease and that level of self-acceptance. I didn't have that and so I smiled. I smiled first, last, and often in-between. If you're smiling, people don't ask, "what's wrong?" If you're smiling and joking around, people think everything is okay and I guess I wanted everything to be okay because I didn't know how to handle when things weren't okay, and so I smiled.
I still smile a lot. If there was a daily quota for smiles, I'm pretty sure I would nail it every single day. And with 6 amazing and often hilarious kids, I have a lot to smile about. But you know what? Not smiling is okay, too. It's okay to have those feelings and emotions that have no room for a smile. It's taken me a long time to accept this for myself. I want my children to know that it's okay to have feelings and emotions that are not smile-worthy. Those life experiences are just as real and important as the happy ones so don't hide them and don't apologize for them - if you address them and work throught them, a genuine smile may be waiting for you.
It's okay not to smile. Some of you may be thinking that's a no-brainer but for me it's personal growth.
As always, I'm glad you dropped by. You are awesome!
THIS IS 45
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People have told me that middle-aged women shouldn't rock long hair - especially middle-aged MOMS. Other advice I never asked for but got includes how I shouldn't homeschool because "blahblahblah". I shouldn't have too many kids (somebody please tell me what's "too many" kids?). I should get my tubes tied. I shouldn't have babies after 40. I shouldn't marry outside of my race. Yada, yada, yada. If I'd listened to all the well meaning advice I've gotten over the years about how to better be ME...oy!
BUT, I didn't. I've lived my life on my own terms and I don't see myself changing any time soon just to conform to any preconceived notions of how I should look or behave at any age. I am a happy wife and homeschooling mom of six awesome bi-racial ninjas and yes, I am middle-aged and yes, I have LONG LONG hair... So what is 45? This is 45: You do you and rock that middle age Like. A. Boss. |
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